These past few days have been kinda blah/good lets just say messed up.. which isn't unusual i guess ha-ha. There have been so many ups and downs its hard to keep track.
You know its hard when you live in a society that half say live your life they way you want to and nothing bad will happen as long as you are making yourself happy than there is the other half telling you to think about others and that life should be planned. At this point in time I think I am in the middle, I love my life to an extent I suppose. I try to make the best out of it whenever I can. The good days come and go but it seems they are getting few and far between. The bad starts to weigh down the good and the depressed state hits. The days where you just dont want to get out of bed because you wonder what bad the world holds for you today. Maybe it is my mindset, but also maybe I am just a very unlucky person, maybe I think to much, maybe I over worry and maybe I am just not happy where I am. This all happens to run through my mind before I get the energy to get on with the day and out of bed.
You know that feeling when you feel you can't do anything right no matter how hard you try. You always let someone down. There have been so many people I have felt I let down because of the choices I made but sadly by the looks of it I keep doing it and dont learn from my mistakes. I don't know how to get out of this slum and it sucks when no matter what anyone says you still want to lay in bed and cry (your not sure why, but just cry). Some one needs to invent a brain switch where you can just veg out for an hour and forget everything, sadly that is not possible. I find myself struggling with finding myself more and more each day, I dont know if its because the situation I am in makes me hate who I am becoming or what.
I hope this clears up soon, it would be awesome to be actually happy again.
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