Christmas!

As I grow older I see more of what Christmas actually means. Its not the presents that matter one bit, but your family and friends. I have never had a Christmas where my presents overflowed the living room nor will I ever let my future family have that. I love just being around the people that care for me and are there for me 365 days of the year.

Growing up, not going to lie I had been caught in the present side of Christmas like every child usually is. I hated going back to school after Christmas break and hearing all the kids brag about what they got, as I really never got anything to brag about. As I got older I learned the giving part in Christmas that it is better to give than receive. I never got why my mom loved Christmas so much, I mean we never went anywhere for Christmas we didn't have a lot of gifts, so what was the point? Well the point is there is something about Christmas the feeling in the air, the traditions we had that made the season worth looking forward too, the family time, the love and charity that filled everyone's heart around. I finally get it.

I love Christmas for the simple reasons....
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This year has really showed me the true meaning of Christmas. I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and remind you that this time of year is not about gifts or getting. It is about Peace, Love, Joy and Charity. Remember to give is better than to receive. The main reason for Christmas is to remember our beloved saviour Jesus Christ. I love him. He is my king and I will be remembering his birthday today.

Family

Well last night was one of the most intense nights of my life. I learned to appreciate family more, not that i didn't already. I also learned that life can change in a second. I was  an evacuation alert preparing to be evacuated with all of our belongings and essentials we wanted in case of. We were waiting for the knock that thankfully never came. I am still shaken up about it and can't seem to concentrate at anything. I am still worried that i will get a phone call saying a fire came again. Maybe i am over exaggerating but when your life could be changed in a second and you have no say over it, it is scary. I am still scared and will ever be watching my back and the news.

I hope this will pass so i don't have to live in fear.

I love my family and will never forget the feelings of last night.

Standing up for what is right.

Well it is only 9:35am and I already want this day to be over. I took a stand for myself in class on such things like the teachers duty to help the student. Well good and bad came of it. There were people in the class who agreed and stood up also but there was also people who were scared, scared of what? I have no idea. My point for this blog today is stand up for yourself.

If you don't think something is going the way it is, stand up make a difference. This world has gotten so lost in expectations of others. What happened to expectations of our self? Somewhere along the line our human race has lost itself. I think pathetic people are the ones who submit to fear. You cant be scared of the unknown because it is just that... unknown, you dont know either way.

This world is becoming nothing that i thought it would be, but i guess that is bound to happen when you grow up. My goal in life is to make this place better for the generations after me. I am really fed up with people who can't do this for them self. If you complain be able to stand up, if not dont complain if you don't want to change it.

People People PEOPLE

So this morning I have a lot of anger, towards selfish people of the world! I HATE HATE HATE selfish people. I dont get the point in being selfish. What do you learn if you are always depending on someone else. For the people in the world that use people: YOU SUCK! You hurt people who actually care about you, and you will never be satisfied with your life. One day daddy and mommy are going to be gone. ugh!!!!

Is there anyone out there?

So lately like I said I have been doing a lot of soul searching.. During this process I have lost a lot of people, I have made some mistakes and continue like any human being. I can only imagine what our world would be like full of loving, honest and true to yourself people. Everyone one in this world no matter what color, what religion, what size, what shape and what "class", everyone is fighting in this world. We always have someone else to bow down to or listen to, society has put so much on our plate yet no one is willing to fight more than they already do.

I wish this world was a better place, I wish kids didn't starve or get abused, I wish everyone was equal (no matter what you say we are not), I wish everyone was trustworthy, I wish everyone simply cared.

Lately I feel so alone, I feel I am the only one feeling the way I do. Yes, there are people in worse situations than I am, but that doesn't mean very much because we were all giving different methods of how we deal with it. People think I am this strong leader when really I not. I wish people took the time to get to know me before judging me. 

I struggle everyday and have been for my whole life. My life road wasnt easy and never will be. Thats life. But I am trying to make this world a better place for me. I wish more people would fight for what they believe in, I do everyday maybe not in the same manor as most but I still fight. 

To be honest, I dont have a lot of friends that would stick by me through any and every thing you know why? Because they are afraid of what others think. This world seems to be messed up, and maybe I am the only one who thinks like this. 

This post was all over the place, like usual. The point I am trying to make is simply care, dont make this life harder for others when you are struggling yourself. Have compassion, you dont need a religion or to go to church every sunday to be a good person. Dont worry what others think, Dont judge and people wouldnt have to worry. Our human race and society has frankly gone down the tubes. Everyone complains but no one wants to fix it, than dont complain! I am complaining but i am also trying to fix this! 

In the end, we are living to die. We dont need stupid materials we dont need drama. We need knowledge and good people around us. Maybe one day our nation will be able to unite and soon the world, but for now I am surviving. 

Its been awhile!

So I bet you thought I forgot! Nope!!! I have been super busy between school and work. I am now going to College in Lethbridge, for a Paralegal. I have 9 months left out of a 14 month program.

In other news, I was engaged (got out of that one, which was the best choice of my life) now i am single. I am learning a lot about myself and i am striving to gather who i am before anymore romantic encounters haha. I am much happier now, but i seem to struggle with a lot of little things that affects my everyday life. I am getting there though, and i know it will take a lot of hard work. I am starting to feel worthy of love from anyone, I am learning to trust again. It will be a long road but worth it in the end, I know that everyone that has come into my life were here for a reason. I may be sad for them not being here, but i have to remember the good things in life and what good things they taught me.

During the last little while i have came to the conclusion that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, although i knew this before it was hard for me to believe it. I have noticed how much friends influence you and how you really need people in your life who love you and appreciate you. I am thankful for all of my friends :)

All in all, I am doing better day by day and i know it will only get better if i continue to focus on my needs and wants for a little while longer. I know it sounds selfish but for 21 years i have been doing everything everyone else wants, now its ME time! On a more relaxed note.....

GROWING UP SUCKS!!!
I really dont want to grow up :( but it has happened i am responsible! haha.

School! :)

So I have finished 1 college course and 1 week of school.. impressive i think so!! The next few courses aren't really major or hard ( i hope) easiest part of the course. After this month I don't think my blogs will be as happy :P

Other good news.... Fiance coming to school.. with me!!! Woot he is in a different class, same college and we will be in the same courses for a few weeks.. we will see how that goes haha. A little nervous!

I am also looking for a part time job, which i am nervous about since school and work never really co exist.. well....

I have no idea what to blog about, everyone else seems to have exciting lives haha.. so if you have any suggestions give me a holla! :)

tomorrow Tomorrow TOMORROW

So tomorrow I start school ahhh. This is exciting but sooo nervous.. I have a whole bunch of stuff running through my head, am I going to do good? Will I make it? Will the money be worth it... blah blah blah!!!

I am hoping for the best and hope I can do this... it is a lot different when it is your money and not just high school where you don't think about it. But here goes nothing... Paralegal here I come!!!

Waiting

Today me and mike are waiting for news regarding a personal thing. It sucks waiting! I am always waiting on someone else. Today and yesterday look boring haha. Since I don't start school until Monday I really don't have much to do. I want to get a job, but in order to see how my hours are I need to see my work load.. again... WAITING! bah! I wish waiting didn't take so long haha!

Looks like the next 14 months of me blogging are going to be about school, and more school and studying. I should really do something with my life this week :)

Hope everyone has a great day!

My Life Now :)

I have not written a blog in like 6 months.. so here we go!

I recently moved back to Lethbridge, a decision I have not totally agreed with. One good thing that has happened is College. I am going to be taking the Paralegal program which is 14 months straight (no break) ... harsh.. but it will be worth it! I am really excited and I start in a week!! This whole school thing scares me to death also, I am shy with new situations and new people.

I am thankful I have a good man, and a great best friend who is there to push me in the right direction. They are awesome people and just want the best for me.

In other news,
I am engaged. I mentioned him in the beginning of my blog but since than we have 75% changed for the best. Yes we still have lots to work on and personal issues to deal with. But I can not imagine my life without him, and on the off chance that we are not meant to be together he would still be my best friend. We have endured a lot and have one of our biggest challenges coming up on Tuesday. A date that scares me to death but I know if we love each other it will work out for the best and the way the lord wants it to.

I am sorry for all of the negative posts, my goal is to write positive and this can be my outlet on good things. I realize we all have struggles and some harder than others in our eyes, but to the individual person it is hard. I have not always been the best friend or good listener. I am working on that. I am thankful for my friends that have stuck by me! I have learned that the drama the world has to offer is not for me. I feel so much better cutting those people out of my life. I would not be a good friend to them and nor them to me. Keep me and mike in your prayers as like I said we are facing a life changing event. Thank you again everyone.